It's the third day of 2011 and I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to do differently this year. My thoughts go first to what needs to be finished that wasn't finished in 2010.
This damn doctorate comes to mind. Other students have begun and finished their doctorates while I have dragged my feet. I think I've taken my time for a lot of reasons. One, this last phase is the most nerve wracking. My course work is mostly done, now I have one more recital to do, then the infamous lecture recital, then writtens and orals. (This last part seems a little redundant seeing as you also write a thesis but no one asked me.)
Two, what I want to do when I grow up has changed. Now, I'm less interested in opera and more interested in musicals, concerts, cabaret, directing and starting a theater company. Opera seems for the most part to be interested in being a living museum. A place where they trot out all the old standards with the same old sets and costumes. The artistic directors, stage directors and performers aren't interested in presenting exciting, living theater set to beautiful music. And most importantly, for me anyway, is that in my experience there is no sense of the company in the opera world. In opera we are not a group of talented, like-minded individuals coming together to create a production. This may just be at Dallas Opera (I hear this is the case.) but it takes the fun away from something that should make us feel like we did when we played dress up as kids. It's all very discouraging and makes me wish I wasn't there.
Three, and this is a big one, I honesty I think I started this degree for the wrong reason. At the time I was working at American Airlines and very, very unhappy but I knew if I left American I had to have something to go to, so I decided to go back to school. I didn't really have an overwhelming desire to be a college professor, I still don't, and in my time at UNT I've been relatively bored. I haven't felt challenged by the course work. In fact, I have discovered that in most cases if you just show up for class you're going to get an A. So much for the challenges of Doctoral programs, at least this one. I have entertained the idea of not finishing but I'm so close I need to just buckle down and get it done.
Now to more positive things! What am I looking forward to in 2011? James and I still talk about starting the theater company and I'm sure this year it will happen. Part of the problem is having the time to do it! Our schedules fill up so quickly. My summer is already filling up as is James'. I'm going back to the Czech Republic and James is going to be working with the Three Redneck Tenors in Branson. Also, we're getting our feet wet on the administration side by working with Ohlook Performing Arts Center. James is now on their board and I want to be on the board, as well. It gives us a good opportunity to learn about running a company and what happens behind the scenes. I think we are getting involved at a good time as they are getting ready to move into a new building. There will be fund-raising to do and new shows to mount. I think this will be a learning experience for both of us.
Also a learning experience is taking our production of [title of show] to the Edinburgh Fringe. So far it's been mostly talk but now things are about to ramp up. We are going to a Fringe Roadshow in NYC this weekend and we're about to start our fund-raising in earnest. We are planning some benefit performances in the next couple of months. My biggest fear is that we'll plan the event, send out the invitations and no one will come. James says it's just a vampire giving me trouble. It stresses me out so I just keep telling myself it will all work out. You just have to stay organized and have faith!
Ok, that's it for now. MOre to come!
